Nightmares
by Samantha J. Brown
Summary: Season 4 - When Sam comes back from training with Ruby to find his brother has fallen off the bed he realizes what happened. Dean's having hell nightmares again. And this time Sam is determined to get Dean to talk. No slash.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to supernatural

**Nightmares**

It was 2am when Sam left the motel to go train with Ruby. He spared his sleeping brother one last glance before heading out the door. Every time he left Sam had to remind himself that this was all for the best. For Dean's best, as well as the worlds. He left the room, and locked the door behind him. Ruby was already waiting.

Dean had truly been asleep when his brother snuck out that night. He was tired, and that vengeful spirit had thrown him into several different walls, and then later on, trees. He was bruised, and tired, and after making sure he wasn't about to bleed out he'd passed out on the bed closest to the door at around 1am. Dean had been sleeping peacefully for the first two hours. Until images started to flash in front of his closed eyes, disrupting his peace. There were screams, flashes of red, torn skin, shredded things barely recognizable as human beings. There was a dark green chasm filled with flashes of light and blood curdling screams. Then there was him. Dean could feel the thick steel hooks digging into his bloody, and agony filled body. There was a name being called, he could hear it louder than the other screams. Dean was sure it was him who was screaming. No one else could have known that name.

_SAM!_

Dean thrashed in the hooks, his brothers' name becoming a chorus in his ears.

_SAM!_

It seemed like everyone else was starting to catch on. The agony filled screams turned into mocking ones. Laughing, screaming the name.

_SAM!_

Then suddenly a face appeared. A long face with an evil smile, and a crooked jaw. His black eyes glinted dangerously, and when the light flashed Dean could see the demon behind the meat suit. Alistair's voice dripped with sarcasm when he repeated the name the others had caught on to.

_SAM._

Dean fell off the bed very ungracefully. His eyes wide and terrified, his face shining with sweat. As Dean's breath came out in short gasps, his bruises decided that it was time they made themselves knows. Pain shot through Dean, causing him to groan and bring his arms protectively to his stomach. Dean sat there for what he assumed was a fair amount of time, trying to get his breathing under control. In and out. In and out. He focused entirely on the mantra flowing through his head, for fear of the memories coming back full force.

Eventually Dean wondered why Sam had not come to get him. No matter how far apart they'd been drifting Dean was sure that Sam would have gone to check on him after falling off the bed. He knew Sam would want to make sure that he hadn't injured anything else. Therefore Dean decided it was high time he got the hell off the floor.

But before he could even try the door unlocked and opened. Dean stilled, hoping his position in between the beds would provide him with the element of surprise for whoever decided coming into their motel room was a good idea.

"Dean?" Sam's voice shocked him. Dean looked at the bed next to him. It was empty. He cursed himself for not having noticed that his freaking brother was missing. He was supposed to be protecting Sam, how could he do that if he didn't even know when his brother was missing? The damn dreams were getting worse.

Suddenly suspicion and anger overtook Dean. Why the hell was Sam not in bed at, he glanced at the clock, 4 o'clock in the morning?

He raised a hand from in between the beds.

"Present."

Sam rushed over to Dean, realizing all the while that Dean had once again caught him in the act of sneaking out. Or rather, sneaking back in.

"What the hell are you doing on the floor?" Sam asked.

"Fell out of bed." Dean deadpanned. Sam thought back to the conversation he'd had with Dean on the highway after helping Anna, and it was with sickening guilt that Sam realized exactly why Dean had fallen out of bed. He'd had a nightmare, and Sam hadn't been there to stop it. Sam moved toward Dean, immediately trying to help with what he could by helping his brother off the floor. Dean swatted his hands away.

"I can do it myself." Sam swallowed hard, why wouldn't Dean just let Sam help him?

It was with a white-knuckled grip, and a hiss of pain that Dean got up and off the floor. He didn't climb back into bed either. He headed to the bathroom and shut the door, locking it from the inside. Sam sighed. When Dean came out he was going to want to know where Sam had been, but he wasn't going to offer any explanation as to why he'd had to greet Sam from the small space in between the beds.

So Sam sat on his bed, and waited for the inevitable fall out.

But when Dean came out of the bathroom half an hour later, hair still wet from where he'd splashed water on his face, he went straight for the bed without giving Sam a second glance. He lay down with his back to Sam and shut his eyes.

Sam sat shocked. There'd been no questions, no fall out. _What the hell? _He thought, completely and utterly shocked.

"That's it?" He asked. Dean sighed from his position on the bed. He didn't want to have this conversation with Sam. Every time he tried it ended in fighting, Sam getting his feelings hurt, and Dean feeling guilty. And on top of everything else, Dean just didn't want to deal with it tonight. So he'd decided not to say anything. It's not like he didn't know where Sam was anyway.

"That's what Sam?" He asked without turning around.

"No interrogation, no questions, no, nothing?" He asked incredulously.

"I don't need to Sam. I know you're sneaking off. I'm not an idiot." Sam felt a pang of guilt.

"I never said you were." He said quietly.

"Whatever." Dean didn't say anything after that. Sam wanted to restart the conversation and ask Dean about his nightmare, but thought better of it. Dean wasn't going to tell him anything no matter what Sam tried. In fact, he'd probably end up ignoring Sam all together. So Sam just sat there watching his brother until his breathing started to slow and he fell back asleep. By that time it was 5am, and though Sam knew there was no point in sleeping his training with Ruby had left him drained, so he laid back on the bed and shut his eyes, falling asleep almost instantly.

When Sam woke again it was to the beep of his alarm clock at 7am. He glanced at Dean's bed, only to see that it was empty.

"Dean?" No answer. Sam looked around, worry finding its way into his mind. _I should have been looking after Dean_, he chastised himself. Finally he noticed a folded piece of paper on the table. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and got up, heading toward the paper groggily.

_Went to get some grub. _

_Be back in an hour._

_-Dean_

Sam sighed. So it was going to be one of _those_ days.

SSSSS

When Dean got back from the store the shower was running. He put the bags down on the table and pulled out his breakfast. A six pack of beer. He left Sam's salad in the bag and sat on the couch in front of the TV. He cracked open the bottle and was sitting contently watching some TV made horror movie, when Sam walked out with a towel wrapped around his waist. Dean didn't turn around, but he could feel his brothers' eyes burning holes in the back of his head.

"Are we ganna talk about it?" Sam asked as he grabbed his clothes from the end of his bed.

"Talk about what Sam?" His voice was a warning, but Sam wasn't so easily deterred.

"Talk about why your breakfast is a six pack?" Dean turned around to glare at his brother.

"Sure. As soon as you tell me what you were doing with Ruby last night. I'm not an idiot Sam, I know you were with her." Dean said as Sam started to protest.

"So were you just screwing her, or were you going all Charles Xavier on some demons too?" Dean snapped. Sam didn't reply, just looked away. It was pointless to get into this argument with Dean, he knew where it would lead, and he was tired of having it. As much as he'd fought with their father, he didn't like fighting with Dean. So he just walked back into the bathroom without saying another word.

They spent the rest of the day only talking when it was required. They'd found another hunt in a town called Spire, New Hampshire, and were driving down there. Sam slept in the car, and Dean drove the whole day. Sam didn't miss his stiff movements, most likely from the bruises the vengeful spirit had left, and he also noticed the dark circles under Deans' eyes. Sure signs that Dean hadn't been sleeping very well. Sam just left it alone however, not wanting to re-aggravate Dean's temper.

They got to the Nightingale Motel in Spire around midnight, and while Dean went to go get the room, Sam called Ruby.

"Hi Sam."

"Hey Ruby."

"Where do you need me to come get you?"

"Actually Ruby I'm really tired tonight. I think I'm just going to stay in the motel tonight."

"Is this about Dean?" Sam sighed.

"No Ruby, it's not about Dean. I'm just tired."

"Fine Sam, but just remember that innocent people are possessed here." Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. Whenever he wanted a night off from this she always stuck him with the guilt trip because she knew it worked. Usually he would grudgingly give in and go with her. But this was different. Whatever nightmare had awoken Dean last night had been enough to send him off the bed. Sam wanted to be there for Dean when things got that bad, and he hadn't been lately.

"I know that Ruby. But I'm staying in tonight. Goodbye."

"Fine. You're choice. Bye Sam." She hung up without another word, and Sam was just putting the phone back in his pocket when he noticed Dean come out of the check in, two keys in hand. He tossed one to Sam, who caught it effortlessly, before heading into room number 12. Sam fallowed but when he got inside Dean was already on the bed, eyes closed. Sam wanted to be mad at his brother for shutting him out, but he knew he couldn't be. Not when he'd left Dean alone to deal with the hell nightmares. So Sam just crawled into his bed and went to sleep.

SSSSS

When Sam got up at 3am he wasn't sure what had woken him. He looked around but didn't notice anyone else inside the room. He shut his eyes again and was just drifting off when he heard it.

"Sam." It was Dean. He was calling Sam's name.

"What Dean?" He asked, not opening his eyes. When Dean didn't respond he cracked an eye open and glanced at his brother. Dean's eyes were closed. He called Sam's name again and this time Sam heard it, panic, loud and clear. Filling his voice completely. Dean was scared. Scared of whatever he was reliving behind closed eyes. Sam shot out of bed, and rushed to Dean. He shook his brother's shoulders shouting his name.

"Dean! Dean wake up dammit! Dean!" Dean's eyes shot open and he scrambled back from Sam in a panic. Effectively falling off the bed, again, before Sam could catch him. There was a loud groan as Sam made his way over to his injured brother. Sam crouched down in front of Dean, who was breathing heavily and clutching his stomach in pain.

"Dean? Dean are you ok?" He asked, gently grabbing his brothers' face so Dean would look at him. All he managed to get was a grumbled, "Peachey," before Dean swatted away his hands and moved to stand up. Only to have his legs give out from underneath him. Sam caught him, gripping his elbow as he helped Dean back to the bed. Dean brushed him off, and headed instead for the kitchen. He reached into his jacket, which was hanging off a chair, and pulled out a flask, taking a heavy swig before sitting in the chair, his back turned to Sam.

Sam sighed. It was just like Dean to brush him off and expect him to leave it alone, due to the fact that he had been recently, but this time Sam had seen his brother. Had seen his eyebrows scrunched up in pain, had seen him thrashing around in bed, had seen his terrified green eyes fly open as he scrambled away from Sam. So this time there was no chance in hell he going to leave it alone.

"Dean…" He trailed off.

"Leave it Sam." Instead Sam sat across from him at the small table.

"No."

"What?"

"You heard me." Dean glanced at his brother warily.

"What do you want from me Sam?" He asked, his voice weary and quiet. Sam stared at his brother. He didn't want a lot from Dean, not like he used to. He just wanted him to open up.

"I just want you to talk to me man. I just want you to tell me what's going on. Not to lie to me about it." Wrong thing to say. Dean's eyes became guarded. Sam had a feeling he knew which words had set his brother off, and because of that he was pretty sure he deserved the upcoming guilt trip.

"Not lie about it? Sam I told you the truth. I told you I remembered hell. The only one who's lying here is you. You lied to me about Ruby Sam, and you're still trying to! No matter what you may think, I'm not stupid, I know you sneak out every night. How do I know? Because I wake up almost every night from one of those God damn nightmares, and you're gone!" Dean's voice didn't crack once. There was only anger spilling out of his words, and rightful anger. Anger Sam knew he deserved. What he didn't know was that Dean was waking up almost every night; the shock on his face was evidence of that. He hadn't guessed how often Dean had them, and he didn't realize how often Dean woke up. He was, he realized with a pang of guilt, always gone. In fact, Sam had only seen his brother come out of nightmares twice before. One while they were helping a town gone haywire after a real wishing well had started granting wishes, and the night before. Both times Sam had let it go, but not this time.

"You know what Dean? Fine. Yes, I am sneaking off with Ruby, but you should have told me about those nightmares. I want to help you Dean." He said, schooling his voice into a soothing calmness he was sure he needed.

"Do you?" Dean asked, looking up from his flask. Sam was once again shocked.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well I'm just saying that you haven't exactly been here very often, and it seems to me that if you really wanted to help, you'd be helping. But you aren't Sam. You're never here." The _when I need you _was left unsaid, but Sam heard it loud and clear, and it sent another shot of guilt through him. He wasn't there for Dean, hadn't been for a long time. But Sam was determined to change that, starting tonight.

"Look Dean, I'm sorry I wasn't here, and I'm sorry I haven't helped you before, but I'm here now. And whether you like it or not I'm going to help you. So I need you to talk to me. What was the dream about?" Dean looked at Sam with tortured eyes. The usually brilliant green was dulled, his whole expression was older than it should be, but in the end he did start to talk.

"It was hell." Sam didn't say a word, only nodded in recognition. He knew better than to stop Dean once he got started. So Dean talked. He told Sam about the recent dream, and all the ones before that. He told Sam about the ones where he tortured people, the ones where Alistair wore Sam's face while torturing Dean, the ones where Dean was just plain and simple tortured, and the rare ones where Dean was once again buried alive. The last confession shocked Sam the most. He hadn't thought about the fact that Dean would have had to dig himself out of his own grave. Sam suddenly remembered the bloodied knuckles when he'd first seen Dean again. He realized immediately he should have known. Sam mentally kicked himself. He should have been there for Dean, for that simple thing if nothing else. He seriously doubted digging yourself out of your own grave didn't leave any scars.

When Dean was finally done nothing was said for a long while. Eventually though Sam spoke.

"Dean, I…"As he trailed off a thousand thoughts ran through Dean's head. Sam was going to be mad at him for what he'd done. Or mad at him for saddling him with all his crap. Sam wasn't going to be able to look at him again without disgust on his face. Of course in the back of his mind Dean's voice of reason said that he knew that wasn't the truth. That Sam would never do that, but he just couldn't shake the feeling.

"Am so, so sorry." Dean looked up from the flask. There was nothing in Sam's expression but raw guilt and sadness. He was truly sorry. Dean knew it. He just didn't know why.

"Why?" Sam looked up at his brother completely shocked and suddenly had the strong urge to puke.

Dean had so many amazing qualities. Selflessness, kindness, bravery, compassion, courage to beat the devil, but Dean's complete lack of thought for himself sometimes baffled Sam. He truly had no idea why Sam was sorry, and it made Sam even guiltier. Because he knew why Dean was like that. Too many years with too much responsibility too young. Dean had always believed himself second to others, and apparently hell hadn't changed that. Had only made it worse, as Sam should have expected.

"Why? Dean I am so sorry for leaving, for not being here when you needed me, for, everything…" Sam trailed off, unsure how to continue.

"I'm just sorry Dean." Dean took another swig and swallowed hard.

"Yeah, well, it's all right. I can take care of myself." Sam gave him the patented Sam Winchester bitch face.

"I know that Dean, but the point is you shouldn't have to. I should be taking care of you Dean, just like you took care of me." Sam said. He had to make Dean understand that no matter how much he was away Sam would take care of Dean, all Dean had to do was ask.

"Sam, we've got bigger fish at this point. The seals, the angels, I mean my problems aren't at the top of our crap to deal with list." Dean knew this for a fact. He was sure that whatever problems he had were second class compared to what else they were dealing with. Sam of course thought that was bull.

"Yes they are Dean! I'm going to help you get through this. I'm going to make up for all the times I wasn't here to help you. And whether you like it or not your problems are at the top of my to-do list Dean. You're my brother, and _I'm going to help you._" Sam emphasized the last part, hoping that Dean would understand. Dean nodded, though he still didn't look sure.

"All right, fine. Can we just be done with this Hallmark moment?" He asked, but Sam was happy Dean had agreed.

"Yeah sure, and you can be done with that." Sam grabbed the flask from Dean's hand.

"What? Hey! I was drinking that Sam!" Sam rolled his eyes and gave Dean another bitch face.

"Not anymore Dean, you need to be asleep more than you need to be drunk. Go to bed, I'll watch you." Dean started to get back to bed, when he turned around.

"All right, you can help me or whatever, but there is no way you are watching me while I sleep. That's creepy man. Just plain and simple creepy." But Dean still went to bed, and when Sam didn't move, he didn't protest. Sam stayed up the whole night watching over Dean, and when the second nightmare woke him at 6am, Sam was right there to help.


End file.
